This is my first meal today. No, not breakfast because it was 4pm when I made this. Just one of those days where I'm feeling extremely lazy in the kitchen. Instant oats are the answer to my prayers. Sort of. Well I had nothing better so yeah.
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When I say lazy in the kitchen I don't really mean just grabbing-a-bag-of-crisps-and-reheating-last-night's-leftovers-and-call-it-a-day kinda lazy. Not for me, at least. There is some minuscule amount of effort here. Can you see it? Cubed apples. Yeah I'm posh like that. I spent more time and effort preparing these babies than it took me to whip up a bowl of porridge. Naturally that makes sense because all you need is to plonk the oats in a bowl and try not to burn yourself when filling it with hot water.
Speaking of which, my hot water dispenser is possessed. When the dispense button's pressed, water comes out. Not rocket science, I know. BUT as in an ideal world, water would stop when you lift your finger and my demonic machine won't allow that, no siree! It is always a gamble using it and lately it's gotten way moody. I held the bowl up and filled it as needed. Lifted my finger and hot scalding water kept coming. I freaked, cussed and started repeatedly jamming the dispense button with my finger. It was stuck. Shit. Water was filling to the brim and my hand risked first degree burns. In a last minute panic I slammed down hard enough on the button and it stopped. What a spectacle that was.
Speaking of which, my hot water dispenser is possessed. When the dispense button's pressed, water comes out. Not rocket science, I know. BUT as in an ideal world, water would stop when you lift your finger and my demonic machine won't allow that, no siree! It is always a gamble using it and lately it's gotten way moody. I held the bowl up and filled it as needed. Lifted my finger and hot scalding water kept coming. I freaked, cussed and started repeatedly jamming the dispense button with my finger. It was stuck. Shit. Water was filling to the brim and my hand risked first degree burns. In a last minute panic I slammed down hard enough on the button and it stopped. What a spectacle that was.
Now I was left with a bowl of barely-there porridge resembling that of barley soup. Instead of adding more oats to the mix, I opted for whole grain cereal with nuts. I don't see any logic in doing so as the cereal turned to mush quicker than anything as it hit the bowl. Let's imagine my reasoning at the time was that I did it for the nuts. The soupy mix turned gloopy in no time and was ready for the rockstars of the meal: apple and honey. Honey misbehaved a little and was being a little shit. Knowing my luck, that's no surprise. It was in a squeeze-bottle and there was but two and a half tablespoons left. I pretty much strangled the air out of the bastardly thing and after several attempts, despite such vigour, it spat out less than half a teaspoon of honey in defiance. It hissed as it filled with air again. "Sod it", I thought and left the recalcitrant honey bottle to its self.
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By the time I had stirred everything together, little appetite was left. Hence this blog post and a now neglected half-eaten bowl of crusty porridge on my side.
